Love & Relationships: The Lure of the "Ex"

Love & Relationships: The Lure of the “Ex”

8 April 2011 No Comments

Dear Rachael-Lea,

I’ve just started dating a guy who is wonderful. He’s kind, considerate, loving and emotionally available. Although I should be happy, I’m bored to tears. To make matters worse, a man from my past, who I think I’ll always love, has recently started calling me. Why now? I know my ex is no good but there is something about him that I can’t let go of.

To be honest, I think I enjoy the chase. The new guy is available, but almost too available. The ex is exciting and I get a weird kind of buzz with chasing him. I thought I would have grown out of this phase years ago, but I still love the one who doesn’t love me.

Signed,
The Ex on the Prowl

Dear TEOTP,

Are you crazy? Is it that you subconsciously don’t feel deserving of a healthy relationship? He’s an ex for a reason and, like hound dogs, ex-boyfriends sense a new dog coming to mark their territory. I guarantee if you were a lonely goat sitting on the sofa on a Friday night, you wouldn’t have gotten those calls.

There are far too many women looking and ready to commit to a man who is willing to be emotionally available. If you’re not ready, let him go so he can date another sister. I’m almost tempted to tell you to go back to the ex. Within days, you’ll realize why it didn’t work in the first place. Don’t spoil it for the rest of us. Figure your stuff out, be it through counselling or self-reflection. The new guy might not be for you, but kick the ex to the curb or prepare to be chasing him and spending many a lonely night on that couch.