The Lovezone with Geena Lee: Let's talk about monogamy

The Lovezone with Geena Lee: Let’s talk monogamy

2 February 2011 12 views No Comment

By Geena Lee

“You, me, and he…what we gonna do baby?” – Mtume

It’s funny to me that even though monogamy is seen as the norm for intimate relationships, it’s also painted as ‘the end of the road’ in one’s dating adventures. You find someone and ‘settle down’ with the ‘ball and chain’…perhaps until death do you part. That doesn’t seem very appealing, at all. What does monogamy mean to you? Is it the start of the party, or the end of the show?

In an age of elevated divorce rates, high profile sex scandals, and with the success of online cheating sites like Ashley Madison, whose motto is “Life is short, have an affair”, I can understand how people come to the conclusion that monogamy is unrealistic and irrelevant. For some, monogamy is synonymous with monotony; a boring relationship day in and day out without change or excitement, so they avoid it at all costs.

I view monogamy as a lifestyle; a self-imposed standard that reflects your values and relationship ideals. If done with honesty and maturity, monogamy can be rewarding for those who find it meaningful. However if you don’t see any value in it, then monogamy may not be the lifestyle for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re truthful about it.

It’s only fair to be clear with yourself and your partner about what obligations you expect and are willing to stick to. That way there are no miscommunications or accusations. Being straightforward about your choices shows a respect for the other person(s) you have relations with, and lets them know exactly what they’re signing up for.

So is monogamy relevant? That’s a question everyone must answer for themselves. Love is not monogamous, we all have the ability to love more than one person, and perhaps that’s what makes it difficult for some to remain ‘faithful’, especially if temptation is strong.

But that shouldn’t scare you away from commitment, because all relationships carry their challenges, regardless of how they’re defined. Anything worth having is worth the work to acheive it. If you take on a new job position, you don’t know the challenges you may face down the road, but you make the effort to overcome them because you understand the importance of maintaining employment.

Every day we struggle to keep commitments, from pursuing education to improving our health. Those who put in the work, see the results and benefit directly from them. Doesn’t love deserve the same effort?

A relationship shouldn’t be complicated; you get out of it what you put into it. If we reject the fear of commitment and embrace the possibilities that love has to offer, an exhilarating journey awaits, and there’s nothing boring about that.

‘DJ/producer/host of ‘The Lovezone with Geena Lee’ (www.geenalee.com), Geena is also a voice actor, media arts instructor and freelance writer.’