Love & Relationships; talking to your 16 year old daughter about sex

17 December 2010 109 views No Comment

Dear Rachel-Lea,

My daughter and I have always had the best relationship. But for the last couple of months, I’ve noticed she’s become withdrawn. It feels like I woke up one morning and didn’t know my 16-year-old daughter. She is a beautiful young lady who gets attention from boys, I just didn’t know how much. I went into her room the other day and saw her diary lying on her bed. I did the unspeakable and read it. I feel awful. I broke my daughter’s trust.

What’s worse is that by reading it, I found out she’s been having sex and even had a pregnancy scare. When I read this, I got angry. The other side of me wants to be there for her, to talk to her about the dangers of having unprotected sex. But how can I approach this subject when the reason I found out was because I read her diary? I really do want to be there for my baby girl who’s not that much of a baby anymore.

Signed,

Memoirs of my Daughter

Dear Mom D.,

Reading your daughter’s diary is not OK, but I won’t preach because I hear your remorse. If you’re not willing to tell her what you did, you at least need to find a way to address the issue of your daughter having unprotected sex. I recently saw For Colored Girls and there is a scene in the movie during which a young girl gets pregnant and has to have an abortion. In fact, there are several topics in that movie that might facilitate some good conversation without giving away your snooping crime.

You may not agree with your daughter having sex, but she is. You can choose to close your eyes and pretend it will go away, but it won’t. Book her an appointment to see a counsellor and let her know you don’t want her to ever encounter a situation that can be avoided. Don’t go in with her, but be ready to have an open ear about what she’s learned. It’s time that parents take the blindfolds off and face the facts. I know it’s not easy, but it is a reality.

P.S. Never read her diary again!

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