Love & Relationships; how to deal with a toxic friend

17 December 2010 191 views No Comment

Dear Rachael-Lea,

I have a friend whom I’ve known for many years. Every time she calls me, she’s bringing some kind of bad news or gossip. Like clockwork, she’s telling me about whose man is cheating, who lost his job, and even about the girl in her office who’s been desperately trying to get pregnant but isn’t able to conceive.

Underneath it all, she’s a good person. But, her negativity is just getting to me. I don’t want to end the friendship, but I find myself pulling away from her. It’s like she thrives off of other people’s downfalls, but rarely looks at her own life. How can I tell her that I can’t continue conversing like this with her, without hurting her feelings?

Signed,
Tired of the Gossip

Dear TOTG,
I find that people who sit around and talk about other people are usually so bored or unhappy with their own lives that they take the focus and put it on someone else. Gossip, although juicy at times, is really a time waster.

Tell her you’re going on a 30-day gossip cleanse and that you really want her to support you in your efforts to speak only positively about others. That way, you’ve put no blame on her and, at the same time, invited her to become a support system against her own poison. Every time she brings up something negative, gently remind her of your 30-day commitment. Hopefully, Debbie Downer will catch on.

If she hasn’t broken the habit after 30 days, as the saying goes: “If you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you.”

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