Black Women and Singlehood

21 October 2011 One Comment

By Shanichia Henry

Over the past four years, there has been a noticeable surge of interest in the marriages of black women. American media seems to have adopted the arduous task of decoding the mystery as to why so many black women are unmarried, with some outlets releasing statistics, scholarly opinions and taking surveys of the general public. I, for one, am sick of hearing everybody’s theory surrounding the love lives of black women.

The moral panic surrounding this issue is irritating and causes one to question the actual motives behind the headlines that blare, “73 Percent of Black Women are Not Married.” What should the supposed 73 percent of black women do to combat this deadly and traumatizing disease known as singlehood? Well, they can either become frantic and go on a manhunt (no pun intended) for an eligible suitor, or they can continue living their lives without feeling as if they bare the scarlet letter across their beautiful foreheads.

While skimming through various articles from popular American news magazines, I had to chuckle at the apocalyptic urgency with which these stories are presented. The feminist in me obviously considers this attention to be insulting as it feeds the oppressive stereotype that black women are degenerate, despite their ability to rise above hundreds of years of marginalization, earning more degrees and becoming powerful forces in the business and being able to balance their work and family life almost supernaturally.

Perhaps most of my friends and family members are the exception to the rule as many of the women in my life are either married, engaged, in healthy secure relationships or are, dare I say ‘content being single.’ I intentionally chose not include any of the findings of the American media in this article because they offer very little solutions to a problem that they consider to be so devastating. In addition, the blame game is so played out and the black community is recognizing the insidious and manipulative vices of popular media.

When the supposed failures of the black community are emphasized, our successes and triumphs are stifled as a result. I refuse to buy into the idea that I need to start developing a strategy of either dating outside my race (not that there’s anything wrong with that), losing my seemingly innately bitchy attitude or becoming more submissive in order to be valued and deemed worthy of marriage.

For centuries, black women have been told that they are not smart enough, not beautiful enough or not feminine enough to be accepted in a white patriarchal society but we no longer wish to subscribe to those lies. My mother is the most beautiful, intelligent and loving woman I know, and she happens to be a black woman. When she tells me that I deserve the best and should not settle for just anybody, I believe her. Besides, desperation is not a good look. Accepting advice about finding a husband from the same outlets that seek to portray the black community in an overtly negative manner is as hopeless as it is irresponsible.

In case you’re wondering, I haven’t read Steve Harvey’s book offering advice about hooking a man either. Seriously, Steve Harvey is hilarious, but I would rather not take advice from a celebrity whose marriages have been less than desirable or successful. But I digress. If you have not already realized my intent, here goes. I am not offering advice to anybody about their love life, nor do I profess to despise the institution of marriage; I actually dig the whole idea. I am simply asking black women to ignore these recycled constructions of their plight and continue striving to be the best individuals they can be.

Oh, and to the concerned members of the media offering their help through shoddy studies and so called expert advice: I am simply saying “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

Shanichia Henry is a recent graduate with a major in Communications Studies and a minor in English. She attended York University and currently works as a freelance writer.