By Ekow Nimako

Where to begin…..

I cannot express in words the amount of joy and happiness being a father has brought me, let alone the fulfilling experience of fathering two extremely talented and beautiful young girls – this despite all the negative remarks from non-parental ‘experts’ who’d claim that to raise young women, one simply required inhuman patience and a boyfriend-thwarting shotgun.

Still, had I known during the rambunctious and explorative years of my adolescence that my initiation into the roaring twenties would also welcome me into fatherhood, I might have better prepared myself for the indescribable shock of becoming a young, Black daddy, and soon thereafter a single young, Black daddy. But, as life inevitably illustrates, preparedness is rarely an available cushion for lessons that are best learned the hard way.

And by ‘the hard way’, I mean: the grim realization that often,  broken homes are cyclical within the Black community; that the Canadian family court system is little more than a biased bureaucracy meant to reinforce ethnic stereotypes, relegate Black  males to the roles of child support payer and weekend caregiver, and corner fathers who merely seek the same rights as mothers into playing the counterproductive ‘see you in court’ game; and that we govern our own choices and actions, and therefore, must accept responsibility for them and any consequences that follow.

Clearly, these sobering truths are not the easiest pills to swallow, especially when they are encountered during one’s libido-driven youth. But, the noble and strong-willed endure, while the cowardly and weak-willed endow their children with the unfortunate status of being a statistic – a vulnerable demographic that they themselves were likely unable to escape.  It is in defiance of the rising tide of fatherlessness in our community, which threatens to consume yet another generation of vulnerable Black youth, that the Black Daddies Club currently stands.

I value my parenthood. I see the worth of my investment in the younger generation. I even appreciate my childish mistakes, as they helped me to formulate my opinions of myself and of the world around me. Over time, my daughters ‘birthed’ in me a whole new respect for the opposite gender that has forever changed the way that I interact with women. I can say, without the slightest hint of condescension, that many of my single, childless friends have not yet fully grasped this wisdom. But boys will be boys…and Men will be Men. And considering myself to be 95% Man (for every man is entitled to be at least 5% boy, isn’t he?), I’d like to think that I’ve done fairly well in terms of providing for my children and setting a strong example from which they can learn.

A wise and honorable man who, at an earlier period in his life, went through similar domestic trials as I with a powerful woman whom I love dearly and happen to call mum, showed me that there is nothing  absolutely nothing – that can separate a man from his children. Funny thing is, he never had to say it…he simply became living proof.

To all the single Black daddies out there, I leave you with these heartfelt words of encouragement: be strong and loyal to your children and things will only get better.  And keep your heads up, Brothers…keep your heads up!

About the Author

Ekow Nimako is a Montreal born, Toronto raised writer, musician, teacher and visual artist. He is the proud father of two, and plans to have his first gothic fantasy novel published within the next year. He currently resides in Parkdale where he teaches music and spends his spare time reading and painting on walls.

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