By Anonymously Annoyed

As a married man with children family outings can be infinitely challenging.

But I am realizing some ‘tricks of the trade’ to keep me out of trouble, e.g. spotting the attractive lady walking toward me from meters away, getting an eye full and then turning and looking in the opposite direction she is walking so that my wife does not see me looking.

There are some things that are a bit tougher. For example, on those nights when you may get into an argument with your spouse or during that time of the month…

I get irritated every time it comes around because when the flow comes, everything stops. In other words, NO INTIMATE TIME!

I wish that my priest had mentioned this information when we were doing our pre-marriage counseling sessions. At least I might have put in a clause that read: by marrying this man, you are agreeing to the following: to give your husband sex at least 3-4 times a week and during that time of the month intimate creativity is strongly suggested.

Truthfully, I don’t know how other married men do it. Sexual intimacy with the same woman can be quite uninteresting.

Is monogamy for me? I am not sure to be honest – especially in the summer time when the temptation gets stronger. It’s gotten so bad that I stopped attending certain functions such as Caribana, Afrofest, Harbourfront, etc. because it’s depressing as hell to see these fine women…and I can only look and not touch.

I don’t get it! I have female friends who are single and constantly nag about why they are single. What I really want to say to them is, “That predictable and conservative stuff isn’t working – be creative!”

That is why we men step out or leave. Chances are that the other woman who we cheat with likes to wear thongs and even just walks around in them. She probably does not wear head ties either. NOTE: when my wife rocks the head tie in the bedroom, it feels like I am romancing a pirate.

Tonight’s events inspired me to write this article. It’s a Saturday night around 11p.m. Reggae music is blaring from my neighbour’s backyard Blocko. My wife is sleeping in the next room. I finish changing my youngest child’s diaper and roll into the bed. I give her a little nudge and hint that I would like to spend some time with her. She deflects the conversation long enough to go back to sleep.

Damn.

As I write this, I ask myself two questions: “Why did I get married?”and “Is this all that there is, sexually speaking, to marriage?”

In an effort to respond to the second question, one friend declared that, “Sex is NOT a reward; it’s an essential part of a relationship. Trying to be with someone that doesn’t want to have sex is like trying to be with someone you’re not physically attracted to, or you find stupid, or who doesn’t have a job.”

I hear that.

And you know what’s most frustrating of all? I know it used to be in her. When we first started to date she was great. Now it’s like her interest is completely gone – died out – and it’s killing me too.

The challenging thing is that I am not the type of dude to take off my wedding band. To some women, a man with a wedding band is pretty much a leper, and chances are great that they will not even entertain the thought of breaking off a married man some goodwill affection.

I have cheated before in my marriage and my reasoning behind it (not an excuse, by the way) is that if my wife isn’t giving me what I want when I want it, then it is my responsibility to get it how I want it. I think that in a marriage compromise is necessary but not with the topic of sex.

My partner has to realize that I am married not dead and I have needs and urges like everybody else. I am not going to be that married man down the road reminiscing about how many opportunities that I could have taken advantage of but didn’t do it.

I refuse to end up bitter and frustrated.

I know that this letter will meet with a bit of opposition, but quite frankly, I don’t care.

I am not writing for you.  This is a release for me.

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