I would compare fatherhood to trying to be like Michael Jordan. Why Michael Jordan? People view him as the best player that ever played the game of basketball. He is seen as the individual who changed the way basketball was played. There were games he played, sick as a dog and still summoned the will power to win. When he retired, a little bit slower, no more the human highlight reel he once was, no one held it against him, he was still Michael Jordan. So ever since I entered my own version of the “NBA”, being fatherhood, I have been trying my best to be a “Michael Jordan” as a father, the best who ever played the game in the eyes of my two daughters. I think I owe them that, as well as my own father because he was/is an “MJ” to me.

A lot of modern-day basketball players model their game after Jordan and why not? If you were a basketball player you wouldn’t model yourself after the guy who didn’t make it into the NBA. The father who never played a role in their child’s life is that player. He just didn’t have the skills fatherhood required and he knew it. He was out of his league.

You wouldn’t model yourself after the player that was content to ride the bench either. In the case of fatherhood, that’s the absent father, the father may be home, but at the club every weekend, and/or the father who timidly agrees with everything his wife and/or partners say because his mind is somewhere else. That player might get some points, a lot of assists, but his heart isn’t in the game. You want to model yourself after a player that wants the ball and who wants to be a father with a passion. You want to model yourself after a father where when times are tough, he will make decisions that will win the game, or at least give you a fighting chance to do so. Sometimes the ball can’t be passed to another player when the clock is running down. It has be thrown in the air if the game is to be won and it usually goes to either the best, the most competent player or the one that destiny has selected to be open at that particular time.

As a son, I often asked my father for help, to make that shot when I just couldn’t get to the basket or I just was not strong or man enough to do it . When I was delivering newspapers as a kid, he drove me around in his car when I felt it was too cold for me to do it. When I was struggling in math as a teen, he would sit with me to figure out the answer. When I was in university, he sent money when I desperately needed it. He made me breakfast, lunch and dinner without hesitation. As a result, one of his championship rings was achieved by showing what being a “man” was all about. Another was being faithful to my mother for over fifty years.

Sometimes a player, like a father, gives off certain characteristics that can compel someone to act a certain way. A leader of a team, while embodying the skills required to uplift a team statistically, also demonstrates certain leadership qualities for the others around him to emulate in their own way. When I was about eight or so, maybe older, my family went back to Barbados on a yearly basis, since my parents were born there. My uncle took us on the Jolly Roger, a boat that toured the island and provided free liquor while you were on the boat. Well, my Dad had a little bit too many that day. I was disappointed in him and told him so. My uncle wasn’t too pleased at my behaviour. He thought I deserved a few “lashes” (lol-for the non-Caribbean readers-he thought I deserved to be hit with a belt, several times). He was actually advocating for my Dad to do it when he got back home. I decided to shut up so by the time we got home, maybe he would forget about it. We got home and the lashes never came.

My Dad never talked about that day again, although my Mom does. We all laugh about now. I’m forty-one years old now and suddenly realized that my father has never drunk in front of me ever since that day over 25 years ago. I’ve never asked him if that was a conscious decision based on that day, but it did make me think more about how I conduct myself in front of my children. Sometimes a championship ring is given to someone because they are a role model for their team.

My Dad’s is now the retired player who watches the game from the sideline along with my Mom. He doesn’t say much, cheers when you score a basket and comments only when you shoot an airball. Right now, I have the best team I have had in years. On my team now with two players, my daughters who I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have many supportive family members, friends and neighbours who complete the roster. Some players have been fired, traded or just didn’t have the skills our team needed, but we’re constantly rebuilding and getting stronger. There is only one starting spot left available on my team but that player has to have the right statistics (at least 5’10 preferred-lol). I’ll tell you if I fill it.

Right now I want to provide my daughters with a highlight reel of our lives together. One day I’ll be too old to muster any more awe-inspiring game winning acts. One day the game will be over and I’ll be the one watching from the sidelines. Until then, I’m forty, its half-time and the third quarter of my life is starting. Anyone who watches basketball knows, the second half is when the game is either lost or won. So when the next quarter starts, I’m going to play like my father, the best that ever played the game. I’m going to play to win.

Peace, Faith, Justice and Love