By Antwonne “Knowledge” Thomas

Antwonne with his young daughter

Salutations,

I am Antwonne “Knowledge” Thomas.  26.  I have two young daughters.

Neither of which lives with me currently.

Our society would consider me uneducated, as I haven’t received my high-school diploma.  The experience of growing in the western world, in these societies and circumstances has allowed me to be very aware of our issues as “urban” youth.  Working closely with Radio personalities on York U, CHRY radio has exposed me to an element of media.  My experience has also manifested thorough interaction with organizations like Breaking The Cycle, and Black Daddies Club.  You can also find many of us ambitious young black men in Barbershops monthly, along the Eglinton/Oakwood region facilitating healthy discussions for our Y.B.M (young black males), as I am a co-facilitator for the More Than An Haircut Program.

—- ( self introduction complete ) —–

“Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood.” Nov 7, 2010.

Today, I miss my babies a lot.  It is hard psychologically, to feel good about yourself when you have such a grotesque failure looming overhead.  You know., the many things that can be said about the absent father.

So that said, I overstand the ways my peer group has fashioned to express themselves, to cope with their pains and psychological traumas.

That said, WE ARE MONUMENTALLY effing up!

We are a social people.  A lot of our coping mechanisms have evolved into social and interactive was of acting, meaning ways that we attempt to heal, or deescalate our traumas seem to incorporate other people. Many of which are our peers and they are coming from un-therapied, unstable sources and suffering from their own series of traumas.  We are effectively the blind leading the blind.

We smoke to maintain or because there is an acceptance and appreciation amongst “smoking culture” which creates a miniscule sense of belonging or interact-ability  (with the similar effect of a barbershop where young black males can express freely and candidly- sort of).

We also become more lustful and seek to mate or fornicate as a way of alleviating our frustration, our loneliness or our pain.  This effect/cause is one of the largest sources of our communities’ self inflicted traumas! We are devastatingly harming our women, many of which, have their own traumas from being raised in households where there are traumatized, un-therapied, under-communicative, and anti-overstood adults struggling to deal with everyday realities, and unspoken mistakes. Many times there’s only one traumatized adult; which disables the developing child of many learning experiences through their fathers.

Quality time is compromised in the name of currency.  Another trauma that we are yet to address, unless we do so through the media, consequently glamorizing the negative things we have to go through, and do, in order to “make it” or “get it”.  We desperately need to stop spiraling.

Now, I realize our pride and our ego plays a significant role in our ability to address our shortcomings, or our contributions to OUR chaotic environments.

My dear loved ones I plead with you all, WE ARE ABLE TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION, altering the horrible fate awaiting us.

Those of us who are battling demons trying not to hurt ourselves…our babies are ourselves.  And every day we are absent and under-aware of our babies’ lifestyle and blame a woman for this.  It hurts many levels of ourselves.  We require reality checks on many levels.

DRINKING is not an aid.  Disregard our respective geographical cultures and be aware.  As a collective culture as a Y.B.M in the GTA, circa 2010, this new culture – unique as we are.  It’s not helping us to drink.

Leaving women to find peace or love with a next woman clearly is doing nothing to stimulate maturity, and mental development in our Y.B.M.

Writing for a beat, instead of writing for the female you’re hurting or your seed, isn’t strengthening our communications nor our ability to maintain healthy male/female relationships.

These are very serious issues in our communities yet we haven’t taken the time to come together and speak to our pains and seek to aid ourselves in healing.

I most certainly do not see my babies as much as I should or I wish to. Though some of my brothers accredit me with seeing my children, and acknowledge the perceived relationship between their mothers and myself. I realize that my problems and those I share with the beautiful mothers of my babies, will affect them.  I need to be able to grow and fix myself.  Not succumb to the depression or pain of such a potential failure.  None of those unhealthy attempts at therapy should prevent me from growth or being a daddy.

That said, I love my brothers.  We would love to help you find your way in this Cold, Cold GTA where all we got is us!  SAVE THE BABIES!!

On behalf of all young fathers that don’t live with their babies, seeking to be helped or understood.

P.S.
To those fathers. Excuses are of weak minds. We as children don’t respect Excuses!
GO HARDER!

Nineteen said so…

Black Daddies Club member

- Antwonne “Knowledge” Thomas