Two women share their stories.

By Leroy Graham

Chevelle Thomas didn’t know what to think the day she found her husband, Mark, sitting in his home office, hours earlier than usual. She’d just returned from the grocery store, so Thomas called out for help with the bags. When he didn’t respond, she knew something was wrong. “He was just sitting there, motionless,” Thomas says. “I walked over, and he was crying. When he saw my shock he grabbed my hand, looked at me and said, ‘I have cancer.’ I instantly thought about our children and was just so scared thinking that my husband might die.”

For months before the conversation, Thomas noticed changes in her husband’s behaviour, such as him getting up in the middle of the night. “At first, I thought he was just getting up to work because a lot of his clients are international,” she says. “Then, he began sleeping in another room and our intimacy level dropped almost to zero. A lot of things went through my mind but I didn’t really say anything.”

Maia George can relate to Thomas’ story. After almost eight happy years of marriage, her relationship seemed to hit a sudden snag. She wondered what was happening, but chalked it up to the seven-year itch. “I figured after two kids and years of marriage, this was normal,” she says. “We weren’t having as much sex but I didn’t really say anything. Then one day, after my husband had used the washroom, I noticed some blood in the toilet. I knew he wasn’t cheating on me, so I confronted him and said, ‘If you love your family, you will go to a doctor and get this checked out.’”

George was surprised to get a call from her husband several weeks later, asking if she could meet him at a doctor’s office while he underwent some testing. She realized that this was her husband’s way of reaching out for support. “A lot of the time, men put on a front of toughness about going to the doctor,” she says. “What we, as partners, should realize is that they may just be afraid.”

Ultimately, when the diagnosis of prostate cancer was confirmed, both women realized that communication would be the key in supporting their partners and strengthening their relationships. “Once we found out for sure, we began to talk and to research treatment options,” says Thomas. “My husband is still going through treatments, but we understand what is going on, and we believe that he will be okay.”

George and her husband were rattled. However, by communicating with each other leading up to the confirmation and then throughout the treatment process, the couple maintained a supportive relationship that continues to flourish years after their ordeal. “I really felt that it was up to me to be a sounding board and pillar of support,” says George.

“For those in the same situation, I would say the biggest thing is to communicate because your partner might not want to talk to anyone else. My husband didn’t want to tell anyone. Even today, there are a lot of people who don’t know what we’ve been through. But we made it, we love each other, and we’re together. That’s what is important.”

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