I have decided…
Not to TRY to be A Strong Black Woman…
But to realize that I AM!

I am borne of a strong black woman.
I have been taught by a strong black woman.
I have been nurtured. I have been washed.
I have been praised, scolded and punished
by a strong black woman.
I have been groomed for house keeping, child rearing
and culinary excellence by a strong black woman.
I have seen the grace and mercy of the Lord,
through the eyes of a strong black woman.
I AM a strong black woman!

I have seen the toil of strong black women.
I listen to the lessons of strong black women.
I have independence, courage, knowledge
and perseverance – Gained from the strong black women
that have walked here before me.
Powerful black women taught me to respect, appreciate
and love my man.
I know who and what I am, because of those strong,
powerful black women.
I AM a strong black woman!

With caring for my children, I am a proud black woman.
For taking responsibility for their well being,
I am a strong black mother.
For providing fatherly advice,
I am a strong black father.
For kissing the ouch and making the tears go away,
I AM a strong black healer.

For not giving up, or giving in,
I am a strong black fighter.
For acknowledging my limitless potential,
I am a wise black woman.
For expecting the best for myself and those that I surround myself with,
I am in strong black company.
For allowing myself to love and be loved,
I AM strong black lover.

I have the Heart of A Strong Black Woman.
I AM the Soul of Strong Black Women.
I don’t have to try to be A Strong Black Woman.
I am that and so much more.
Look deep into my eyes…tell me…what do YOU see.

Photo provided by Associated Press

By Sway Contributor Odeen Eccleston

Since before I had attained my first kiss, let alone attained my psychology degree, older friends, relatives, strangers and acquaintances had appointed me their resident relationship advisor. Maybe this was because by the time I was twelve I had furtively read about a dozen adult-content relationship books behind my parents’ back; paperbacks like “The Rules” and “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” were my secret delights.

Perhaps it was that ‘educational’ reading material, combined with an infamously old soul that equipped me with the wherewithal to counsel and direct others, often much to their surprise.  Little has changed since then- I still enjoy being the go-to girl for my girlfriends, guy-friends and acquaintances, and to strangers who write to me on many issues including matters of the heart,  but what has changed as of late is the collective landscape of their concerns with regards to relationships.

Whereas in the past it was “Odeen, how do I get my man to communicate with me more effectively”, or “what do you think I should get my boyfriend for his birthday after only 3 months of dating?”, lately, I have been inundated with questions and emails that are more like: “Where can I go to find a good guy?”, “Odeen, I’m smart and beautiful- why have I been single for the past 5 years?” and disheartening statements like “I  give up…there are no good guys out there for me…guess I’ll never get married”. And while I respond by proverbially slapping them on their wrists for uttering such negative phrases aloud, I understand that the rationale behind their worries is indeed legitimate.

Their fears of being single forever are being sparked by such startling statistics as “42% Of Black Successful Women are single”, a claim purported by  ABC News Nightline’s popular piece “Black women Unmarried”..a segment that has gone viral since it first aired at the beginning of 2010. Other statistics like “72 percent of black children are born out of wedlock”(New York Daily News, Nov 8/2010), are also terribly unnerving for single black women to read and hear about as their biological clocks continue to tick.

While knowledge of such dismal statistics only further depress some black women, other gals are spurred into a more practical frame of mind where their dating options are concerned. These are the single ladies who once would have settled for nothing less than the stringent standards that described their  “soul mate”: a muscular, handsome, at least 6’2” tall, super-successful, perfect pearly white teeth, morally-sound, Ivy-league educated yet street-smart, emotionally available, eligible black man…with a sprinkle of edge.

These same women have now smartened up and realized: there are only so many “tall, super-successful, Ivy-League educated, eligible, emotionally available black men” to go around, so if they desire not to be a “black woman unmarried” by the time they are a particular age they will have to adjust their criteria for finding their perfect match..at least a tad.

Some damsels may lighten up on the minimal height prerequisite of men they will consider, other females will become more lenient about the education obligation that they once held so dear, many might make exceptions in the income potential category.  But after decreasing their standards in almost every way, and when these lovely ladies are still noticeably deficient of the love they need and crave as human beings, some realize there is only one other bullet-point on their wish-lists and vision boards that they have yet to omit: the race requirement.

After exhausting all other options it becomes time for them to be pragmatic- if they want to be realistic about goals of marriage and children they may have to come to terms with the fact that their soul mate may be someone who happens to be outside their race. So with their mentality shifted, they put on their colour-blinding glasses and approach the dating world  differently in hopes of diversifying their prospect portfolio.

Celebrity blogger Nikki Oh of OhverlyCritical.com says that more and more black women in Hollywood are finding love outside of their race, likely for the same reasons as civilians, “Black women, even famous black women are running out of options,” she says. “Finding a good black man nowadays seems to be a great struggle for all of us, even the rich, beautiful and famous”.

When I asked the blogger to name a couple of examples of famous black women who are dating non-black men, she had quite an extensive and impressive list of bona-fide stars who did not limit their potential for love with race restrictions. “Halle Berry started dating a handsome French-Canadian model  named Gabriel Aubry after many unsuccessful relationships with black men including a failed marriage with R& B singer Eric Benet. Halle and Gabriel had a daughter together and eventually parted ways but now she’s dating another white hunk- actor Olivier Martinez”.

She continued with more substantiating evidence: “Thandie Newton is married and has children with white producer, singer Heather Headley is married to a white athlete,  Tamera Mowry is currently engaged to a Fox News correspondent who is white, Rozonda Thomas (Chilli from TLC) has recently been spotted on the red carpet with a gorgeous white guy,  the Rapper Eve has been seen on dates with white guys, even multi-millionaire mogul Raven Symone is rumoured to be dating a white man as well..”. When I asked Nikki, who is single herself, for her take on black women dating outside their race, she replied openly: “I think it’s about time, and I 100% agree with the notion of black women dating outside our race because black men have been dating non-black women for a long time and don’t think twice about doing so…so it only make sense that we open our options as well.” Makes sense to me.

For some black  women, though, the idea of being with someone outside of their own race is outside of their comfort zone if not unfathomable. Perhaps they have yet to meet a non-black man who made them feel giddy inside or that they feel that oh-so-special “spark” with. Maybe some belles are afraid of how they will be perceived by their peers and family members. For other females, it’s often just a general fear of the unknown- for though they have been raised in a multicultural society and were born in a “white man’s world”, they have yet to fully know the mind, body or soul of any man outside their own race on a personal level- and what we as humans don’t know and/or understand, we fear.

My take: Instead of allowing awareness obtained from the recently publicized ratios and statistics about the unprecedented prevalence of black single women scare and discourage you, let this information empower you.  If you’re single and interested in not being single, continue to think positively about yourself, positively about finding love and avoid being closed minded when it comes to race. The similarities between races far outweigh the differences. Know what you want- and settle for nothing less, but don’t knit-pick; be open minded on transient factors such height, income, age (within reason) and race. Let go of fear and take grasp of love; a 2010 type of love, where among other things, race does not marginalize us and limit our potential for finding affection. Listen to your heart and enjoy the gift of love- in which ever colour God happens to package it in for you in.

If you are single, would you look outside of your race to find love?  Or is a guy being another race a deal breaker for you?  Are you currently dating or have you ever dated someone that is not the same race that you are? Discuss.

Have any relationship questions for Odeen?  Don’t hesitate to email her at: [email protected], or check out her website at www.MissTorontoRealtor.com

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In honour of Sway’s All-Woman Issue, on newsstands right now, swaymag.ca takes a look at black women of influence – past and present.

• Born in Fredericton, New Brunswick in 1977.
• Studied voice and piano from the age of seven and spent summers on scholarship at the Boston Conservatory as a teen.
• At age 20, she was chosen for the lead role in the premiere of the opera Beatrice Chancy, the story of a slave who murders her abusive master, who is also her father.
• She has performed for Queen Elizabeth II, Former Governor General Michaëlle Jean, Nelson Mandela and Kofi Annan
• Received honourary doctorates from St. Thomas University of New Brunswick and Acadia University in Nova Scotia
• Serves as Canadian goodwill ambassador for the African Medical and Research Foundation, Learning Through the Arts and the World Wildlife Fund
• In 2009, a split aorta sent her to the hospital for emergency open-heart surgery
• 3.2 billion viewers watched her perform the Olympic Hymn at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver

In honour of Sway’s All-Woman Issue, on newsstands right now, swaymag.ca takes a look at black women of influence – past and present.  Who is this woman?

• Born June 9, 1964, in Toronto
• Studied music technique and theory, ballet and jazz at the Canadian Royal Conservatory
• Crowned Miss Black Ontario in 1986
• Best known for her role on the medical drama ER as an HIV-infected physician assistant
• In 1996, she was chosen by People magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world.
• In 2000, she left acting to join Tina Turner on her Twenty Four Seven Tour
• On World AIDS Day in 2005, she was the keynote speaker at the first Black Women’s Conference on HIV/AIDS in Los Angeles.
• An avid supporter for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, Planned Parenthood, and ANSA (Artists for a new South Africa.)

She is Gloria Reuben!

By True Daley

The city of Montreal is world-famous for many reasons — its French culture, smoked meat, castles and being the place where Jackie Robinson broke the colour barrier in Major League Baseball. It’s also where, in 1902, the first Black women’s club in Canada was formed by a small group of African-American women.

The Coloured Women’s Club (CWC) gave the wives of Black railroad workers an opportunity to be self-sufficient, despite being excluded by the overtly racist general public. By 1904, its partnership with the oldest Black congregation in Montreal created a powerful group of activists in this isolated, but vibrant, Black community. When they were banned from worshipping at St. George’s Anglican Church, the CWC helped form the Union United Church.

Since its inception over a century ago, the social club has evolved to become a self-help organization with a mandate to provide mutual aid and fight poverty and social exclusion. In 1914, members purchased seven burial plots at Mount Royal Cemetery for the needy. In 1973, they organized the first Congress of Black Women at the Westbury Hotel in Toronto, which was attended by 160 women from across the country.

In 1983, the group was successful in removing a racist textbook from the school curriculum. “From what I was told by other members, there was a Little Black Sambo story in the schools and it was removed because the CWC sent letters,” recounts today’s president Shirley Gyles of the achievement. “When I went to school here in Grade 4, my geography book told me that Black people got curly hair because a big fire singed all their hair! I wish I had kept that geography book.

A lot has changed since Gyles went to school. She says despite progress made in the civil and women’s rights movements, the group’s support is still needed in the community. “We started out helping unwed mothers, but there’s still the occasional crisis,” she says. “There are situations where the kids have money to go to school, but still need food and clothing.

There are unwed mothers who are not getting the help they need because they don’t qualify for social assistance, so we jump in. We had a woman who tried to commit suicide and we just sent her a cheque for $500. There was also a horrific incident some months ago where a man murdered someone and then killed himself, and left his mother destitute. The Coloured Women’s Club jumped in. That’s not really our mandate, but we are still here.”

Currently the mandate is to support youth and their education. To date, CWC has successfully raised up to $12,000 in bursaries for Black students from the sales of its cookbook, a collection of its members’ own recipes.

For more information or to make a donation to the Rev. Charles Este Scholarship Fund, contact Shirley Gyles at [email protected]

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Jon Sarpong, Editor of Sway

Our first-ever ALL-WOMAN issue

I’ve had the concept for this particular issue of Sway in mind for quite a while — an issue filled with Canada’s most powerful, influential and well-respected women.

My motivation for this type of content developed in response to the CBC special The Greatest Canadian, which I watched sometime ago. It was broadcast over several days and a two-step process voted in the people. The series featured bios on the likes of David Suzuki, Don Cherry, Wayne Gretzky and the contest’s ultimate winner Tommy Douglas (the father of Canada’s universal healthcare).

The fact that not one of the Top 10 finalists was Black did not surprise me. Let’s be honest, this is not the first time that excellence in the Black community has been overlooked. However, the realization that in the eyes of Canada’s public there was not a single woman whose contribution to our society was deemed worthy of recognition left me dumbfounded.

It also made me think about the societal barriers to success that I have faced as a Black man, and how those faced by Black women must be exponentially greater.

And yet, today we celebrate the inspiring achievements of Canadian women who have overcome both racism and sexism to become community leaders, corporate innovators, political visionaries and iconic symbols of true Canadian greatness.

As we leaf through this very special issue of Sway, let each of us resolve to celebrate the continued success of Black women, whose achievements add to the narrative of Canadian history. After all, it is our story to tell….

Stay blessed,

Jon Sarpong
[email protected]

In honour of the special Women’s Issue, hitting stands October 2, swaymag.ca takes a look at black women of influence – past and present.  Do you know your history?

• She was born and raised in Halifax, Nova Scotia
• A successful beautician and entrepreneur
• On November 8, 1946, she refused to sit in a balcony designated exclusively for blacks in a theatre in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia
• April 14th, 2010, the Lieutenant Governor of Nova Scotia, Mayann Francis, invoked the Royal Prerogative and granted her a posthumous pardon.
• She’s been called the “Canada’s Rosa Parks”

Who was she……?

Viola Desmond

In honour of the special Women’s Issue, hitting stands October 2, swaymag.ca takes a look at black women of influence – past and present.  Do you know your history?

• This Jamaica-born trailblazer moved to Canada in 1951 to attend McGill University
• A passionate supporter of women’s rights, she cited Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique as one of her biggest influences
• She was the first black woman elected to a Canadian Provincial Legislature
• The first black woman to run for the leadership of a Canadian Federal Political Party (NDP, 1975)
• On her work with MATCH International, “If you are surrounded by other countries where women have not achieved the same, then your achievements are at risk.”
• She served as Chief Commissioner of the Ontario Human Rights Commission from 1993 to 1996
• Officer of the Order of Canada in 1996

Who was she? See full image below

She is none other than Rosemary Brown!

“I hate it when I overeat because I always end up feeling guilty. Each day is a battle to control my calorie and fat intake either by vomiting or taking laxatives. I really wish I could stop, and I know this is bad for my body; however every day I do the same thing over and over, I am just too afraid of gaining weight.”

If this quote were real it would describe the daily existence of someone suffering from an eating disorder. Through various studies conducted, we know that people coping with any form of eating disturbance often report feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, and guilt. However, as we stop to consider the causes and treatments for these unhealthy eating behaviours, let us also examine our assumptions about the people who suffer from either anorexia or bulimia nervosa, two of the most common eating disorders.

Whether you would like to admit it or not most of us would assume that this quote was spoken by a young, middle class, white female ‘dying to be thin’ both literally and figuratively. The harsh reality though is that this could be the voice of any young woman belonging to the African Canadian community. The truth is that black women and other women belonging to various minority groups are also suffering from eating disorders traditionally thought to affect mostly young Caucasian women.

Unfortunately, young black women today are caught between two varying ideals about body image. While culturally and historically there is an appreciation of full figured women within the black community, young black women are also bombarded by countless images of smaller, thinner women, glorified in today’s dominant mainstream culture.

According to the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC), there are three types of eating disorders; anorexia, bulimia nervosa and binge eating. Anorexia sufferers usually refuse to maintain a normal body weight and are known to go on severe diets and keep up vigorous exercise routines even if every bone in their body is visible. Bulimia nervosa sufferers differ in that they consume large quantities of food then proceed to purge themselves with the aid of laxatives or self induced vomiting. With binge eating, sufferers continuously overeat to comfort themselves emotionally.

In a 2002 survey conducted by the Canadian government, results demonstrated that approximately 1.5% of Canadian women ages 15-24 had an eating disorder, and these rates increased during the transition from adolescence to young adulthood. Currently there are no adequate statistics available on the prevalence of eating disorders among African Canadian women, but through clinical research conducted in the United States we know that young black women are increasingly falling prey to destructive eating behaviors. These studies are revealing the fact that black women are sharing experiences of binge eating and the abuse of laxatives as much as white women.

There are ways in which people suffering from an eating disorder can get on the road to recovery. Seeking out professional counseling to help address underlying emotional or psychological issues is pertinent to the treatment of any eating disorder. Also, receiving medical treatment to address any physical damage caused by the disorder as well as surrounding ones self with a positive and reliable support system are all steps to a successful recovery. It is time that black women realized that they do not suffer alone and eating disorders are unhealthy lifestyle behaviour that can be fixed.

The National Eating Disorder Information Centre     www.nedic.ca