Love & Relationships – time to leave your Man
Rachael-Lea answers your most difficult love queries
Our expert Rachael-Lea Rickards has all the answers for those looking for love in all the right (and wrong) places.
Dear Rachael-Lea:
I am 37 and I have been with the same man for 23 years. I am the mother of two of his children. He has four, but the other two are from other women. Needless to say, they were a result of his cheating.
However, I have opened my heart and home and treat them both as my own. But, he is still cheating. I, being either a complete idiot or just plain old fashioned, have tried hard to get past it and hoped that someday things would change.
He recently planned another “boys weekend”, which is just an excuse to be with some sleazy woman. I told him if he walked out on his family again not to come back! But he did come back and I feel so stupid for letting him back in.
He’s got to go, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve failed my kids. Twenty-three years is a long time and I don’t know where to find the strength.
Signed,
Idiot Girl
Dear IG,
Girl, you and I both know that you know the answer to this one. But, let me break it down for you a little bit more. First, as angry as you are about his cheating, be advised that these “sleazy women” probably don’t know that you exist.
If they do, they probably suffer from the same self-esteem issues as you. It’s sad and disgusting, but we don’t know what your man is feeding them. Second, God bless you for caring for all of his children. They will be thankful that you took the risk to love them. But, look at what you’re doing. You’re housing him, taking care of his children and constantly providing for a man who does not show you that you are valuable.
You’re staying because of the kids? Trust me, children know when their parents aren’t happy. By leaving, they’ll respect you more for choosing a healthy situation and you’ll encourage them to make the right choices in their relationships. If you can’t love yourself enough to leave, what makes you think he’ll love you enough to stay? Wipe the slate clean and look forward to 23 drama-free years.
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Idiot Girl is truly amazing, 23 years later and she’s still not sure what to do. I think she might be failing her children more by staying in an unhealthy relationship, but that’s just my opinion and maybe my young self talking, perhaps when you get older and have children, things become more complicated and decisions such as simply walking out the door with your children become harder to make. Love your column and GREAT advice Rachael, kudos.
Hey there,
It’s good to see that our young reader is ahead of her time. Be aware though, that the smartest most brilliant of women fall into a trap. Unfortunately, what the mind says, the heart sometimes doesn’t listen. I applaud this Idiot Girl for writing in and realizing that at least she knows she’s doing things that will harm her and her childrens outlook on relationships. That’s a first step.
Thank you for the compliment, i truly enjoy giving advice to those who need it. Much love.
Rachael-Lea
IG I don’t want to call you that its not an intelligence issue or the right or wrong thing to do issue it,s the self worth issue. 27 years is an extremely long investment in with one man!! Expecting him to change that’s just not possible you may want to continue thinking he will change but once he has tasted the cheat card he will always cheat! A text here and there a friend she’s only a friend she is single she needs someone to talk to! Now about the kids they knew and know what’s going on they know what they call their dad when they are in retrospection of their parent’s relationship. I don’t know if I would of left therefore I can’t tell you to do so but what I can definitely and confidently say is “you are sleeping with the other woman and every woman he’s had since the first time you got with him “maybe its time to soul search about what you are worth to you this or that
G
I really think so too=P I have been browsing around the web for some time today, and its kinda hard to find anything good to read on blogs. Maybe its because there are too much of them around =) But your site actually keeps catching my attention. Great posts, and cool design ^__^. Ill be sure to give it more visits from now on =P
I found this coloumn whike searching for an answer tomy own relationship problem. I don’t no y I’m searchin the internet for an answer I should be searchin my head so should u girl. U no wot to do kids r no reason to stay wit a man. Plenty more fish in the see. It will b hard 4 a while but u will feel a million dollars if u leave. Trust me been there done that.
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