True Daley

By True Daley

Afrobella.com’s Patrice Elizabeth Grell Yursik is an online revolutionary in the natural hair community. With an average of 80,000 views a week, over 20,000 followers on twitter and a custom-made MAC lip glass that sold out in a week, she is the epitome of the American dream. She has been showing us how to tend for our tresses in the way only your best homegirl can, and recently shared her success story with swaymag.ca, as she prepares for her upcoming visit to Toronto. The entrepeneur says when she launched the site in 2006 she had no idea it would be a full-time labour of love.

“I worked for the Miami Times. I was part of their editorial team and I was there for five years, but newspapers never take a break. So even when you’re on vacation you have to think about what’s going to be happening when you’re not there, because every week the paper needs to be out. Doing the blog was an expression of passion, and an expression of self. I couldn’t really write about the things I cared about in the paper, so I wanted to have an outlet. It wasn’t meant to be a financially lucrative move. I didn’t even think that was a possibility.”

Her decision to go natural in 2002 was met with celebration by some and rejection by others. Reflecting on her childhood, she says she was surrounded by mentors who wore their hair naturally, noting their decision to do so, had little to do with fashion.

“My high-school principal and French teacher had natural hair. I had a teacher who was almost bald when I was 12. There was a member of parliament when I was growing up, who was a Rasta. A lot of the professional women I saw who had natural hair were older women who just cut it off and didn’t care. It wasn’t like they were seeing it as a way to express themselves by being glamorous in any way”.

Patrice Elizabeth Grell Yursik

Her Caribbean upbringing played an important role in her understanding of the connection between beauty and nature. Although she has come to terms with the fact that her mother will never wear her hair naturally, Grell Yursik says  as a child, she was taught simple beauty regimens which introduced her to an eco-friendly lifestyle.

“I would go to the beach with my mom and we would sit on the wet sand with the water splashing on me and we would use sand as an exfoliant. I remember being very young and my mom telling me to scrub my elbows and knees with beach sand. It definitely informed my sensibilities today. I try to see beauty in everything and the possibilities of beauty in everything.”

Speaking of endless possibilities in beauty, the writer has chosen to expand the Afrobella brand by including so much more than just hair care. Fashion, music, and celebrity interviews are featured on the site which promotes an overall message of holistic and healthy living. Grell Yursik says she refuses to limit her creative expression to one topic.

“I need to be inspired by what I’m writing everyday. If I’m not inspired to write a post it will just sit there. I have had bloggers who complain and say, they wish they could write about other stuff but they think their readers will not go with them to that next chapter. I tell them not to underestimate their readers, because if they love you they’ll come back. I’m not here to be your afro information guide. The way I see it , if you want your hair to be beautiful and you love your hair, then you probably want to love your skin, and you’d probably like these make up colours, etc. I kind of see it as the kind of magazine I would never find on a rack.”

While some women rush to pharmacies in search of the latest over-priced beauty product, others visit afrobella.com for cost-effective solutions drawn from traditional wisdom.

“We’re much more informed these days and that comes from people like me who grew up using things like castor oil, olive oil and brown sugar, to enhance our beauty. I really feel that the global natural hair community is leading the cosmetics industry down a path that they are not necessarily comfortable with, but it is an important path. They have to find a way to make products that are natural and organic or less inclusive of ingredients that are bad for us because we’re not buying the old stuff anymore.”

AFROBELLA.COM IN TORONTO

ALL OF MY PURPLE LIFE’ MAC LIP GLASS www.afrobella.com/2011/05/31/afrobella-for-mac/

Break news and debate about the issues that matter in your community through the Speak Your Mind website, convened by thestar.com.

Speak Your Mind will be a forum for commentary, debate and conversation around the key topics driving the Fall provincial election.

Candidates will be assessed based on a mix of the following three criteria:

Your “reach”, meaning the size of the online network you can bring into conversation, will also be taken into consideration as well as the number of pieces you expect to produce, and how active you expect to be in the community.

Click here to apply. Connect with Speak Your Mind Canada on Facebook.

By Samuel Getachew

Maskarm K. Haile has called the world her “open university”. She has travelled the world fulfilling a childhood dream of discovering something “that is bigger than life itself”. She completed most of her travelling as a ‘couch-surfer’, discovering that most foreign strangers are no different from the neighbours who are often found in her very diverse Montreal neighbourhood. She tells Sway why she does what she does and the reasons why she has left a piece of her heart “everywhere” she has travelled.

SG: Maskarm,  you have travelled to so many places in a short time. Why did you first decide to travel and what kept you going?

Haile: For years the opening line for my emails read as “Where are you now?” and lately the question is “Are you done?” or “Were you able to find yourself?” For which I sarcastically answer, “I left a piece of me everywhere, which I need to go back to collect!” I have been on the road for as long as I can remember. I started traveling through books and stories or simply staring at the map daydreaming before I could barely understand what travelling is all about.

As a child, my dream of travelling was bigger than life itself. I wanted nothing but to discover the mystery of this beautiful world that we live in. I started out as a young and fearless traveller openly bargaining my life with the universe, willingly surrendering my life, beliefs and understanding. In return, all I wanted was for my heart and mind to open to a new learning, to be tolerant and respectful, to explore and appreciate the world as it is.

Tell us about your upbringing and your exposure to unique cultures?

Though my upbringing, culture and society wanted it differently, somehow deep inside, I knew I was going to embark on a journey that would forever change my life. I was in the quest of a lifetime served by the beautiful world which I call my Open University! Through the years I found myself in different countries, towns, villages, churches, temples, mosques, synagogues. I ate rice/noodles for breakfast, crocodile meat dinner, snacked on kudu biltong on safari in Africa. I attended weddings, funerals, birthdays, holidays and witnessed a Candomblé (an African-originated or Afro-Brazilian religion) ceremony with complete strangers that opened up their heart and homes to me.

What has been your experience as a ‘couch-surfer’?

I shared my deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams with fellow travellers on long bus rides, airport waiting rooms, endless couch surfing nights, countless coffee meetings and sightseeing around the world. Mostly, people are curious to know why and how I am traveling, but the one question that made me actually respond today is “what am I getting out of it?”

I did not start travelling looking for something nor did I know what to look for. I simply showed up in most places armed with guidebooks, the desire to learn and to experience life.

The truth is that it is not really hard to stay on the road when you have a passion for nature, culture and above all people. I happen to have them all, but the one thing that kept me going was the countless generous people that crossed my path, humbly opened their heart and house, and they inspired me to see that there is more to life.

Please share with us some specific experiences on what has virtually been a unique experience for you?

So here are my few sample stories that I share from the heart. Starting from Africa, where I was born, and I keep going back and forth for more, with the Ethiopian Ambassador in Accra, Ghana, who found me on the street looking for a hostel and took me to his wife and kids without hesitation just because I was Ethiopian.

In Gisenyi, Rwanda, a tour operator overheard my conversation in the hostel about crossing the border to Goma, DRC, the next day. Tired from trying to convince me that it was not the safest place to go wondering around on my own, he decided to escort me to the border himself, where after making sure that I was safe, he returned to Rwanda. Never asked for a penny, all he wanted was for me to be safe!

In Khartoum, Sudan, I met a man with my fellow travelers at a bus station. He welcomed us as if we were his old lost friends. He offered us a place to stay and truly showed us the Sudanese hospitality for which they are well known. Of course, I’ll never forget the Sudanese camel merchant who was so concerned about my status in the society who offered to marry me to spare me from the humiliation of being not married … as he put it!

The Israeli man in Haifa who felt responsible for my life and stopped his car to lecture me on the danger of hitchhiking and ended up driving me to a bus station, paid my bus fair and made sure I boarded the bus to Jerusalem.

Welcoming 2010, dressed in white in Copacabana, Brazil with 400-plus ‘couch-surfers’ who came around the world, partying hard till the magical sunrise on the beach and having fun standing on the street giving free hugs to complete strangers.

It is these endless stories that keep me on the road, maintain my sanity and make me appreciate my life.  When I even found myself under a door frame in Mendoza, Argentina, when the earthquake hit and had what seemed like my last conversation with God, all I had to say was “Thank you for all the blessings I received.”

How can some of our readers follow your great discovery and journey?

They can follow me through maskarm.tumblr.com. My unique personal and professional life’s journey allowed me to deeply experience life going through many stages. I deeply enjoy sharing my experiences and I am now a certified life coach. I am passionate to help women and men overcome life’s struggles, often originating from difficult cultural/educational background, limited beliefs and holding people back from fully blossoming in their lives. I strive to help people tap their true potential and strongly believe this is the right of every human being and especially of kids.

Photos courtesy of maskarm.tumblr.com

True Daley

CULTURE SHOCK: YOUNG ARTISTS SPARK CHANGE

By True Daley

Patrice Njoh has seen first-hand, how the arts can affect change in a community.

The 24 year-old is a facilitator and program coordinator at Urban Arts, a youth centre in the Weston- Mount Dennis neighbourhood, serving youth aged 18-29. Formerly the York Arts Council, the organization helps to develop young artists professionally and personally through the arts and community engagement.

Njoh says the portrayal of marginalized youth in mainstream media is one-sided, and says Urban Arts’ annual youth-led, “Culture Shock Community Arts Festival” presents a fresh perspective.

Patrice Njoh

“You always hear about the negative things that are being done. You hear about the shootings, murders, the drugs and the gangs. But you don’t hear about what people are doing to beautify their community. You don’t hear about the 10 youth who cleaned up Cruikshank Park and put up a mural. This festival really shows all Torontonians, the great things that are coming out of this area. There is beautiful art being created here and there are great things happening in this community.”

This year, the annual festival takes place at Weston Collegiate Institute, celebrating its 8^th year with a 2-day event that begins on August 12^th, with celebrity guest-hosts such as  Michie Mee, Cabbie Richards, and Maestro Fresh Wes, alongside notable artists from various genres including theatre, music, drama, and dance.

The entire event was organized by a staff of 20 youth artists, with the objective to bring together people from all walks of life. Njoh recognizes that despite the high-level of responsibility, these young leaders are up to task.

“We actually only had six weeks from the time we hired the staff at the beginning of July to the second week of August. During those six weeks we also had to put on a camp for the younger kids, and they had to do outreach, plan the event and put it on. I think it takes an organization that has a larger vision to really see that youth have great ideas and they can use their passion to create change.”

Urban Arts runs arts programs all year-round and is located at 19 John St., near Weston Road and Lawrence W. Ave. To register or learn more about the organization visit: urbanartstoronto.org

Delroy with his children

From Acrimony to Friendship: When Ex-spouses Decide To “Get Along” For The Sake of the Kids

What used to be known as Caribana is now known as the Scotiabank Caribbean Carnival Toronto; not only has the name changed, it appears the event has as well.

The 2011 edition of this annual event brought about much controversy and skepticism. From the name to change to the event owners and sponsors, everything about this Caribbean showcase was being questioned. It would seem, though, that the event was being questioned by all the wrong people.

This street festival, which is supposed to showcase and highlight the best in Caribbean culture, was still a hit with the participants. From mas camp to mas camp, you would be hard pressed to find masqueraders who didn’t enjoy themselves this past weekend.

Janelle James

Like many participants, Janelle James waits for this event all year long and when it finally arrives, it’s like Christmas for her. “It’s the preparation. Waking up in the morning and saying, ‘wow its Caribana!’ It’s putting on your costume, taking pictures and getting to the starting point, seeing all the different bands. Getting hyped to cross the stage- it’s like a rush!” she explained excitedly.

Janelle, who marched with Louis Saldenah mas-k camp, explained that her experience at the festival has always been fun, but it’s her time spent participating with various mas camps that has been the most rewarding.

“It’s so different to be in it. It’s like you paid for your costume, you pick it up and you’re just waiting for Caribana so you can put it on. It’s also the appreciation, the hard work that went into making it,” she added.

While many outsiders were busy focusing on the changes and negative press surrounding the festival and the parade, others were embracing what it means. Shauntel Parkinson, who also marched with Louis Saldenah mas-k camp, is another of those participants that waits all year long for this event.

Shauntel Parkinson

“The grand parade really feels like a complete release of all the stress, adrenaline, and genuine happiness that has accumulated over the months prior to the parade. For me, participating in the grand parade really represents the love and appreciation I have for my Caribbean heritage; it’s the one time during the year where I can celebrate and jump up with everyone from any island or country in the Caribbean and the world. It truly is a spectacular experience that everyone should be apart of.”

Sadly, the joy and appreciation felt by many people involved with the event changed into feelings of anger and frustration due to violence. Another act of violence, which led to one man being killed, overshadowed the parade.  Those within the community of the festival are upset and outraged because these acts of violence, which aren’t caused by those within the parade, are seen as “part of” the parade. Many people fear going to enjoy the music, food and culture because they feel they might not make it home for dinner that night.

Some believe the disrespect for the parade starts with those individuals who hop over fences to be a part of the parade. “They don’t appreciate the costume. They just care about dancing on girls,” explains Janelle. She went on to add that she would like to see the parade like it is in Trinidad, respected and appreciated.

Maybe it starts with the media and the festival organisers educating the public on proper parade etiquette; maybe the parade needs stricter guidelines and more cops on the route. Whatever it may be, something needs to be done to protect this heritage event. We within the black community have seen many of our companies, projects and festivals shut down or changed from what we had intended. It is time we come together to make this colourful, beautiful festival the way it’s supposed to be.

Patrick Dennis Jr. is a media studies student at University of Guelph-Humber and editorial intern for swaymag.ca.

Terry Downey

By Samuel Getachew

Terry Downey has been the Vice President of the Ontario Federation of Labour for the last six years. The daughter of an Army personnel, the Nova Scotia native has counted on the foundation of strong women such as her mother, Rosa Parks and Viola Desmond in leading an ambitious and determined journey so far.

SG: It must have been a long  journey for you to have come to the leadership position you now hold. Please, share with us some of your experiences so far?

My experience starts growing up with parents, especially my mom, who was a stay-at-home army wife. She insisted that my sibilings and I get a university education. I did just that. I have always had a social conscience, and I longed to learn more about my African Canadian heritage. These interests pushed me to accept a job at the Ontario Human Rights Commission. For 18 years, I was employed as a human rights investigator then eventually, through my union, the Ontario Public Service Employees Union (OPSEU), I fought discrimination that was occurring in my workplace at the time.

Community activism was and still is a responsibility I take seriously.  In 2005, I was elected to the Executive Vice President position at the Ontario Federation of Labour. This position has allowed me to reach out into the wider labour movement and ethnic and social justice communities.

On your facebook, marking the International Women’s Day, you remarked how “women are the backbones of our families, communities, workplaces and unions” and urged them “to remain vigilant for a just, equitable and inclusive society” How far are we from that reality?

Women, particularly women of colour, face many barriers to achieve equality and respect in our workplaces and just seeking employment period. There is a lot that needs to be done starting with laws that require and enforce equity in employment for [visible minority] people. However, I believe there is power in us working together to achieve this objective. We must always be mindful of what we as black people have accomplished by standing up for fairness, equality and justice.

It has been black activists, especially black women like Viola Desmond and Rosa Parks, who were instrumental in showing us that we no longer have to settle to be at the back of the bus, nor accept the many segregation laws [of the past].  Many of these struggles have been led and or taken on by strong, principled black women and the power they had to not be afraid and take action against injustice.

The year many parts of the world proclaimed an International Women’s Day in 1911, Canada was 18 years shy of proclaiming women as “persons”. Are we, as a country, as progressive as we think we are or is that just a myth in Canada?

I believe Canada has a long way to go to progress.  We only have to look at how far women have come to be elected into political positions in government. The same can be said about women’s roles in our workplace and unions. Also, we only need to look at how so called women’s issues are valued in society.  For example, why do we not have a national childcare program? Why in many professions are women paid less than men?  This list goes on, so let statistics be the judge!!

I am looking at taking a tour of Canada from coast to coast to coast soon. The province I am most looking forward to is your beloved home province, Nova Scotia. What are some of the attractions you suggest I visit while I am there?

There is lots to see and enjoy in Nova Scotia.  If I had to suggest places to visit, a must would be the Black Cultural Centre in Cherry Brook. While there, just travel a little further to the black communities of North and East Preston. There are many other communities with lots of black history including Halifax, Truro, Sydney, New Glasgow, Annapolis Royal Digby and Yarmouth. My favourite time to visit is late July and early August. There are many festive cultural and spiritual community events that occur in the black community that really show you the rich history and culture of blacks who have live in this country since the 1600’s.

Throughout history, the labour movement has been credited in the creation of the black middle class family. Why are unions the best way to bring the issues of equity and fairness forward?

It’s simple. Unions have always been involved in social justice issues.Labour’s history in Ontario show that in 1965, the OFL spearheaded a broad-based provincial lobby to extend the Human Rights Act to cover large areas of housing and accommodation that had been excluded by the original legislation in 1962. The effort was successful and resulted in the legal demolition of racial barriers that had prevented people of colour from equal access to rental housing.

In 1981, the OFL launched the Racism Hurts Everyone campaign, one of the largest anti-racism efforts ever undertaken by an NGO. Significant funds were spent on leaflets, posters, buttons and TV ads. Labour Councils across the province organized seminars on how to combat racism. It was a galvanizing campaign that brought home the harsh realities of racism in a province where many thought it no longer existed.

These are only some of the higher-profile activities and programs undertaken by the OFL throughout its history to combat racism at work and in society as a whole. I believe that the OFL has served as an incubator and inspiration for at least two generations of anti-racist activists in Ontario.

Any parting words?

Thanks for the opportunity to share my experiences and the work of the OFL with you and your readers.

Evon relaxing with his beautiful children

By Evon Smith

Growing up, I didn’t have many good examples of what it meant to be father. My own father was mostly out of the picture by the time I was six, and the encounters I did have with him were less than healthy. The other men in my life at the time were either cheating on their wives, enjoyed multiple ‘baby mothers’ or were single and focused on their many sexual exploits.

Lessons offered to me by elders were counterproductive to the development of true fatherhood and manhood. I was often told that ‘boys will be boys’ and that men can’t do without multiple women. These lessons were echoed even by the women in my life and were repeated in the music, TV shows and movies that I listened to and watched.

There were very few influences in my life to challenge me to live above such damaging concepts. Eventually I became a man, at least what I thought was a man, and could see with more mature eyes the profound harm these ideas have caused my family. Abuse, socially maladjusted children, single-parent homes, and having babies with multiple partners are just some of the maladies that threatened the success of future generations of my family.

My transformation was born of a desire to be and have more than what my predecessors and siblings had. It drove me to live above my family’s and society’s low expectations of me.

The question that remained was: how?

How could I possibly be more than what was supposedly part of my nature? The answer, understanding that being a sex-crazed, undisciplined, goal-less boy pretending to be a man was not my nature. Another question I had to answer however, was what does it mean to be a man and a father?

I didn’t know the answer to that question yet, so I began by making a conscious effort to avoid repeating the mistakes my elders and siblings made. This meant that I would be faithful to just one woman, not have any children until I was married, treat women with respect and live a lifestyle of learning.

The last point I made was key to my growth, as it would ensure that I would continue to grow and mature for the rest of my life. I quickly learned that not making the same mistakes my elders made was not enough. Remaining faithful to one woman was one thing…but knowing how to be in and maintain a healthy relationship was another.

This revelation drove me to spend more time with people who were in healthy relationships and lives. I surrounded myself with men who were successful in business, as fathers and as husbands. I watched them as they wooed their wives, taught their children and provided for their families.

I sat at their feet, listened and asked questions. I offered to clean their houses, look after their children and help with their business. I asked to pray with them and study the Bible with them.

I was willing to do anything to be around success. I also read books on marriage and parenting to ensure that I was fully prepared for fatherhood and to be a husband.

Most importantly, my transformation through Christ is what truly defined fatherhood, manhood and what it means to be a husband for me. I learned that a man treats women with respect and honours them for more than their bodies. A man honours women for their minds, abilities and gifts and treats them as queens…even when they don’t believe it themselves.

A man has control of his sexual desires and understands his role as a leader and contributor to his community. As for fatherhood, a father mentors and teaches his boys to be men and loves his girls in a way that makes any advances by a so called ‘player’ seem like foolishness in comparison.

A father also demonstrates how a woman should be loved and how a man should love a woman. A father isn’t just a provider but also a teacher, mentor, protector, encourager, leader, visionary, and the cool hand of correction balanced with the soft hand of affection. A husband celebrates his wife and strives always to find new ways to love and support her.

A husband is not intimidated by the wisdom, intelligence and gifts of his wife; instead, he respects her and nurtures her growth. A husband commits himself to his wife not only in deed and in his heart, but even his very thoughts are faithful to her.

This is by no means an exhaustive explanation of what the roles associated with being a man, father and husband are, but I think it’s a good start.

I have yet to achieve the high standard that I have outlined. And, to be honest, I don’t know if I will ever become what I described. What I do know is that I did not become a man after my first sexual conquest, or when I turned a certain age, or after I had my first child, or when I became a husband, or even when I got married. I became a man only after I acknowledged that the aforementioned are not just things that you become but journeys that you take.

I became a man, father and husband the day I humbly committed to walking these journeys until the very end.

Miguel San Vicente, A Different Booklist Co-owner

By Tendisai Cromwell

Place yourself in A Different Booklist and you may feel awakened by the narratives and wealth of knowledge that surrounds you, but they are not only contained within books. The bookstore attracts people from all walks of life: the eccentric, the philosophical, the political, even the curious pedestrian.

“Itah’s a storyteller, she can describe some of the characters that have come in,” co-owner Miguel San Vincente said speaking of his wife, Itah Sadu, with whom he co-owns the store.

Some of the more famous characters who have graced the bookstore with their presence include Shaquille O’Neil, Queen Latifah and Johnny Cochran to name a few.

“We try to represent the community, not just through books, but through many different avenues and I feel that’s what has made us attractive and brought people from all different areas to the store,”Miguel explained.

A Different Booklist serves the literary interests of the African and Caribbean community, but it is more than just an interesting bookstore, it’s also a community space with a political conscience.

“We’re excited about the role we’ve been able to play in the community and we want to continue doing so and to expand on it, if possible,” Miguel said.

This summer and beyond, the bookstore is hosting an array of community events and activities.  Weekly international language cafe nights commenced in July for those who wish to improve their French and Spanish. The bookstore holds bi-weekly film screenings followed by discussions which began last week. There will be ongoing discussion groups on various topics and, as always, book launches. In September, A Different Booklist is hosting renowned African-American author Sistah Souljah at the University of Toronto for her newest novel, Midnight and the Meaning of Love.

A Different Booklist also endevours to increase awareness about Africa-related issues. The Africa Project will be an on-going effort to disseminate accurate information about the often ignored realities of Africa to the public through research, documentaries, and lectures.

“We want to educate the wider public,” Miguel said. “There are a number of things that most of us feel we are uninformed about because we are not getting correct information from the mainstream media.”

Presently, the focus is on the foreign intervention in Libya, which Miguel heavily critiques. Similar sentiments are shared by many staff members and volunteers.

“We find it alarming that the current mainstream media is so much in support of a violation of the sovereignty of a nation supposedly in the interest of human rights,” Miguel said of the NATO-lead campaign in Libya.

Other focuses of the Africa Project will include the separation of Southern Sudan, the political situation in the Ivory Cost, the famine in Somalia among others.

Summer Student Staff, Jameel Dawkins and Ekram Abubaker

During the summer months, events take place in the bookstore’s backyard appropriately called ‘The Book Garden’.

“It’s a beautiful space, it has a backyard feel, it’s tented and we have a number of community organizations and groups who have been accessing this space to have events.”

Tucked away in Toronto’s Annex neighbourhood, A Different Booklist provides refuge for those seeking black and multicultural literature, delightful conversations and community involvement.

“People enjoy and love the feel of the bookstore and the friendliness of our staff. We take great pride in that” Miguel said glowingly.

For more information about events or to contact Miguel San Vincente to volunteer for the Africa Project, visit A Different Booklist’s website.

l-r: Desiray Simone, Celina, Candice Rayne, Vidal and Johnny

By Celina Rayonne Caesar-Chavannes

For Vidal Chavannes, fatherhood has been a journey. We met thirteen years ago and have been married for twelve and a half years (…you do the math!). Yes, it was love at first sight. And with love at first sight, we immediately wanted to start a family. Some who were paying very close attention would say that we were a little too immediate, but that is for a different sort of article.

Desiray Simone was our first child. Of course, having her came with a lot of trepidation and excitement; however, we knew that we were partners! With that said, what could possibly go wrong?

Well…he tried to stay up with her when she woke in the middle of the night to let me sleep, but after the one time that she rolled out of his arms and down on to the floor (nobody was hurt!) – while he snored – he and I quickly rethought that philosophy.

With Candice Rayne, our second, he was far more confident in his abilities to hold her without incident, (lest I bring up the time when he dropped her first birthday cake…on her head). He pampered and bathed her like a pro. In fact, he doted on her so much that Candice seems to be the kind of child that will not leave home until she is forty – if at all – and Vidal wouldn’t have it any other way.

Specific to his two angels, Vidal makes sure to tell them how beautiful they are every day. He sends flowers to their school with a “Thank you for being the best kid” message and teddy bears on Valentine’s Day and tucks them in every night before they go to sleep. He wants to make sure that the first “fool who tells them they’re pretty” doesn’t completely have them “head over heels”, as he so eloquently puts it.

With all of these ladies around, Vidal quickly found himself outnumbered and to cope, he perfected the art of saying ‘no’. The girls go to him first; he says ‘NO’. They then come to me…and I make the final determination. So for many years, Vidal was significantly outvoted.

Then came…Johnny.

When Vidal Jr (aka “Johnny”), our third, was born, the playing field was levelled a bit. Johnny has certainly changed the dynamics of the house (those with male children will know what I am saying). Though he is only three, I see how important his father is in shaping his behaviour, particularly towards the girls in his life. I look forward to the man Johnny will become because of the man he will pattern himself after.

It has been interesting to watch Vidal transition between the three children who differ greatly in personality and interests, and who therefore need to be parented differently. What has been consistent throughout the years is his unwavering love of his “little people” as he calls them.

Vidal brings to our family stability, patience, and an undying commitment to laughter. He is a wonderful life partner whom I love and who I know loves me, Desiray, Candice and Johnny immensely. And we love him very much.

Plus, I think he is sexy…..

Can I say that? Well, I just did…Love you babe!