By Darling Nicky

Somewhere over the last two years, ever since the intrigue of Twitter hit the main stream, many people have lost sight of the defining characteristics that comprise an actual friendship or relationship.  It seems more and more, that with the open exchange of 140 character messages over a public platform (or partially public depending on your privacy settings), that many have come to consider these online connections as real friendships regardless if they have ever met in person or not.

At first thought you might find this comical, because only the delusional would conceive that an online conversation that takes place for public consumption remotely qualifies as a real relationship.  But upon further reflection, it is not untrue that many Twitter conversations have substantially more degrees of interaction than a lot of human ones.

For example, my best friend of 15 years is not on any social media of any kind.  Apart from the fact that I think she is very bold for choosing to be amongst a minority, I respect her decision and appreciate that, should she want to be kept abreast of my daily musings, I am resigned to pressing “5” on my Blackberry’s speed dial to have a voice conversation with her, or leave a very detailed message at the sound of the beep.  That said there are those whom I rarely see in person who can, as a result of Twitter or Facebook interactions, safely make the claim that they know more about any given day in my life over the past couple of years than my best friend does.

This disconnect between the longevity of our friendship and the daily social newsfeed created by Twitter and Facebook updates has reared its head a number of times when my social circles collide and the non-social media users are rendered clueless to the countless references to online jokes, stories, and information snippets.  How many times have you found yourself saying in response to a declaration you may have made online: “What do you mean you didn’t hear about my new ___________? I tweeted about it!”

Many people use social media for networking.  By definition, this is “to make contact and share information with people or groups who share similar interests”.  Upon examining that definition, isn’t that relatively the same catalyst for friendship?  I don’t know if I would be so quick to negate online friendships as not being “real” friendships.  That is similar to dismissing long-distance relationships as unequal to close proximity relationships just because you don’t see each other regularly.  To differentiate, being a silent “follower” or “friend” could mean you take in a person’s output without responding or commenting.  But that certainly does not make you a voyeur, even though the same behaviour in real life might classify you as one.

Generationally speaking, we are eager and grateful for the rapid development of technology, medical science, and economic growth.  But, we also want to remain traditional and stagnant with how we define relationships.  We are just within the last 10 years coming to terms with homosexuality as being an acceptable orientation, or that The United States of America could have an African-American President.  So why is it, that when the changing world around us also impacts the way in which we interact with each other, we are quick to place a hierarchy on those interactions.  I’ve shared more meaningful conversations online with selected followers, than I’ve had with past boyfriends with whom I’ve shared a bed!

Nothing beats meeting a friend at Starbuck’s and exchanging life stories over a cup of java, but until your next meeting, there’s always Twitter.

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Read more of Darling Nicky’s musings on Swaymag.ca:

Real Women, Real Style — Darling Nicky

The Trouble with Customer Serice is…

To Double Down or not to Double Down

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Guest blogger Darling Nicky is an entertainment writer, blogger and publicist.  Check out her blog at www.darlingnicky999.com.